The orthodox Christian theology of Hadley Robinson

Breaking Sexual Soul Ties

by Sydna Maas

What are Soul Ties?

In God’s perfect plan at Creation, He made Adam and Eve and intended for them to be together until death.  The family is the basic foundation for human society.  God provided sex as the glue, or soul tie, that strengthens, comforts and brings children into the family.  Mark 10:7 (NIV) described God’s plan as follows, “for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
 
As we have worked with post-abortive individuals, unhealthy soul ties from the past often come to the surface as the man or woman examines the events around their abortion experience.  Just as the death of an older child by illness or accident devastates couples – with 70% of marriages not surviving – so it is with abortion.  The strain of each person’s grief makes him or her unable to reach out to their similarly afflicted partner with comfort.   After the abortion, 70% of these couples will separate from one another.  The irony of this is that many partners tearfully accepted the abortion option in order to preserve the relationship. 
 
When sexual bonds/soul ties are developed outside of marriage, multiple disasters befall the couple and society in general.  These include, but are not limited to: 
The Lord wants to repair the damage that has been done in our lives because of sexual sin.  Many times in this process of remembering a past lover, new pain develops.  For some individuals, the loss of their innocence began with a sexual relationship that led to the trauma of abortion.

Sydna’s breaking soul ties experience (not included in Her Choice to Heal)

“When the memories of the relationship that led to my abortion finally started surfacing in my mind, I could understand why I ended up at the abortion clinic.  My parent’s divorce truly began the process of my loss of innocence.  My father’s departure from daily life began my search to replace the loss of his love.  My low self-esteem convinced me I was unworthy of love.  I felt deserted by my father and decided I must have no value.  When I entered the relationship with “Alan,” I was nearing the bottom of my expectations in a male partner.  I was vulnerable, naïve and had little worldly experience. 
 
When the abortion forced me to look back, I saw myself as a poor abandoned child and grieved for my lost innocence.  I had a long pity party for the young, defenseless Sydna.  As I was healed from my post-abortive pain, the soul ties with “Alan” were broken.  I aggressively choose to remove “Alan” from my thoughts by destroying photos, tokens, gifts or anything that reminded me of the relationship.   With God’s cleansing power, I found that “Alan’s” memory was purged from my heart.  The immediate benefit was that thoughts of this former lover no longer haunted my marriage.  No longer did my husband or sensory triggers (i.e., aftershave, favorite beverages, music, etc.) cause me to remember “Alan.”  The unexpected result was true sexual healing.  It was almost like my virginity was restored.”    
 
You need to understand that part of your healing involves time to grieve your lost innocence.  Recognize that grief and sorrow are real.  Think through each soul tie that should be broken in your life.

Breaking the Bondage of Soul Ties

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Marnie C. Ferree, M.A., “I know that in my experience, breaking soul ties has been a long and painful process.  It is as much as an intention to do so as it is anything else.  It involved taking intentional actions such as refusing to give into prompts to contact that person, refusing to entertain fantasies, ridding oneself of tangible reminders of past lovers (cards, pictures, etc.).  I have also found that it is helpful to do some kind of ritual around letting go of these individuals.  I wrote a good-by letter (which I didn’t send), then read it out loud to God and burned it.” 
 
Marnie’s words ring true in the post-abortion healing process.  Many times, recalling past abortions entails remembering past lovers.  These memories can interfere with current relationship, as outlined in Sydna’s story.  Be aware that this is a dangerous time and you may be tempted to contact former lovers.  This is strongly discouraged.  These memories are best brought to the Lord, confessed, and left in His hands. 
 
Paul’s words in I Thessalonians 4: 3-5, 7 outline this perfectly, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathens, who do not know God…  For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.” 
 
Breaking the bondage of soul ties is no different from breaking the ties to other habitual sin.  As Marnie stated, it needs to be a deliberate act of the will.  So let’s use this word to explain the process:
 
A – Acknowledge your sin to yourself and others
C – Confess the wrongdoing to God and to those who have been affected by your sin
T – Thank God that He is willing to forgive and forget your sin and that He will give you the power to resist sin
S – Seek a Godly lifestyle in actions and thoughts, and find friends who will hold you accountable. 
 
A – Acknowledge your sin to yourself and others
 
Rid yourself of all excuses that you have given for your sin and the blame that you have placed on others.  You must accept responsibility for your own actions.  Psalms 32:5 states, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.  I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave me the guilt of my sin.”
 
C – Confess the wrongdoing to God and to those who
have been affected by your sin
 
I John 1:9 states, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”   This verse reminds us that confession is crucial in the healing, or purifying, process.  As far as confessing to those who have been affected by the sin, discretion is required.  They may be at the point in your healing journey where it would not be profitable to inform your children, parents and other relatives about this sin.  Spouses must always be told because whether or not it is acknowledged, the abortion has probably impacted your marriage.  Certainly before an individual can be involved in public post-abortion ministry all family members must know of this sin and the subsequent healing.
 
T – Thank God that He is willing to forgive and forget your sin and
that He will give you the power to resist sin
 
I Corinthians 10:13 states, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 
 
James 1: 12-15 relays, “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.  When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’  For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full blown, gives birth to death. 
 
These verses promise us that God will never allow anything in our life that forces us to sin.   God’s power is there to help us turn our backs on the temptation and walk away. 
 
S – Seek a Godly lifestyle in actions and thoughts, and find friends who will hold you accountable.

Hebrew 4: 15-16 states, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

Romans 15: 1-2, 5-6 states, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.  Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.  May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity amongst yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Just as a log in a fireplace cannot burn if it rolls out by itself on the hearth, so Christians need to bind together with other believers in the Christian walk.  As we stay together worshiping, praying, sharing, and studying God’s word, we will be able to burn brightly for Christ.

Leaving Soul Ties Behind

As we have gone to the Lord and asked Him to break the bondage of past soul ties, we can rejoice in the knowledge that He has the power and the willingness to set us free.  The fellowship, unity and friendship in a post-abortion bible study can be the beginning of a life-long walk with fellow believers where you grow from strength to strength. If this doesn’t happen, seek out a relationship with Godly women in your church. God desires that our souls be tied to Him and to fellow believers for success in the Christian life. 

Ecclesiastes 4:12 relays this beautifully, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Activity Sheet:  Breaking Soul Ties

“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalms 51:10   
 
In order to be completely healed from the abortion experience, one needs to offer up to the Lord any unbiblical sexual relationships.  These can include relationships with your current spouse if you had sexual relations prior to marriage.   Make a list below of these individuals:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
After the list is made, pray for each individual on the list in the following way:
The next time you feel any guilt or shame regarding your previous sexual encounters, remind yourself of this day and that the Lord has forgiven you of these sins.  Keep in mind the following verses:
 
I John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
 
Psalms 130: 3-4, “If you, oh Lord, kept a record of sin, oh Lord, who would stand?  But with you there is forgiveness.”

Note by Hadley Robinson

When an individual is joined sexually to another person, the Bible says they become one flesh – Genesis 2: 24 “for this reason a man will leave his mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”   Because post-abortive individuals have normally experienced sexual relationships outside of marriage, the sexual experience had spiritual, physical and emotional ramifications.  The Bible does not teach that a man and woman joined sexually become one flesh.  It is only true in marriage where the wife becomes like a sister but more so.  Nonetheless, Mrs. Maas is correct about the ramifications of any sort of sexual activity. - Hadley Robinson.  For a detailed analysis of this, please go here.]

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